90 days today
From my drug of choice
I went almost 41 years without it
I’m almost 43
It got to me
My anxiety
My depression
My bipolar
I told myself it was helping
What happened was
I was neglecting
I wasn’t dealing
Sleeping good?
Was only a myth
At least for me anyways
It made my mind think faster
I was a disaster
Not knowing how
To tame my demon
I ended up feeding it
It made me want it even more
When all I wanted was to adore
I’d spent 22 years of my life
Making it
I raised my kids
Had so many good times
I forgot about my ability to rhyme
I’m grateful for pot
For one reason
It brought me back to me I believe
Helped me remember to write
While trying to get me right
It made me see things differently
Which wasnt necessarily good
While I lived in the hood
There were gunshots
Drugs everywhere
I met amazing people
Trying to get by
Just like I was
I kept telling myself
“My current situation isn’t my final destination”
When I went to run?
I’d listen to Brown and Robbins
I’d also listen to myself
I had the recordings to my radio show I used to have
I’d listen to them on YouTube
I was reminded to #PauseReflectMoveForward
The inspirational words had me glued
To the possibility
Of being free
Looking back on my life
In awe at some of the things that happened to me
How I survived?
Simply trying to get by….
In my room at that condo
I stared at a blank wall
So I decided to decorate
I wrote words of faith
Things I wanted to do
Who would help me make a difference
Then it was painted over
I cried
But you see
I’d looked at that wall for so long
And I’d add to it daily
It was my baby
It grew
I’d say 8 ft x 5ft
Over 9 months
Only for it to be taken away
Due to ego
But I remembered
Why I started it
Why I put it there
Why it was covered up
I had imbedded it it so much in my mind
It reminded me to grind
And find
I love myself completely
Do what you have to do
To get to your glad
You will make it through
Don’t give up
Fill your cup
So much that it overflows
So you can share with others
Don’t hide under the covers
Or behind drugs
They give you bugs
And you’ll itch
Like a feen
And you may wind up being mean
To the ones that love you the most
With water in your wine glass
Or even a beer mug
I am rich
In love
In faith
In my ability to create
from nothing
I’m proud of myself
No caffeine
No prescriptions
No alcohol
No drugs

20 of 30 in the series


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